" Ditch's Stout " Master Class .....

[tazzymutt]

Reading that was quite enough for me. I went chink on it. Took it out and shot it.

Well no one will accuse you of being indecisive

I have one of the Elitech units (Ebay, about fifteen quid) and it has been fine for the time I've used it, apart from when I put the sensor somewhere stupid (entirely my own fault).

Happy brewing,


Ian.

(Not drinking much stout at present due to the weather but looking forward to a well matured brew when the night start to draw in)

May I enquire as to what stupid place that was?

I hate to take Ditches thread off topic (Heaven forfend ), but on this occasion I will briefly answer that my fridge is tall enough for two FV's or PB's one above the other. I left the sensor right at the top above the PB of cool conditioning brew at the top of the fridge. With insufficient air circulation the sensor stayed warm, the fridge ran constantly and the brew at the bottom of the fridge froze. Have a look here for the story.

The brew in question was bottled and is now shaping up rather well, although it is still a bit young.

Happy brewing,


Ian.

[Ditch]

I hate to take Ditches thread off topic .....

Ian; Absolutely no worries, mate! Not at all.

Look back at the last page there and I actually re head one of my posts to something like' " Ditch's Fermentation Box ".

Fact is, I really can't see me making any changes to " Ditch's Stout " now. The recipe is pretty much out there.

So, why is this thread still going? Well; For people who never read the first page, properly, to ask questions about the recipe? ( ) Or for people to say; " Made it. Liked / Didn't like it. " What ever.

No. The thing that keeps Me interested in all this is now the Mechanics.

I've laid down the recipe. Explained how to do it. Then I've moved on. And I intend to Always keep trying to move on. Cutting corners is my speciality. Making the Making easier.

But, this a thread about 'my' beer. Made my way. And that's why I only talk, here, of my ways.

" Oh well ", they might say. " If ye want to discuss 'Hot Boxes'? Take it to the 'Brewing Equipment' board. "

But, that'd be missing the point. If I wanted to talk about " Cornie Kegs ", I'd go there. But, Ditch doesn't put his stuff in CK's. CK's have no relevance on this thread then.

Hot Boxes are, no doubt, discussed elsewhere on here too. But, for handling what ....? Stuff with no relevance to " Ditch's Stout " or this thread. Other stuff that'll, quite possibly respond quite differently to 'Ditch's', given identical conditions.

So, for now? Absolutely, yeah! Let's talk about Hot Boxes. But; If we could try to direct the relevance at my gear, please? That'd be a great help to all following this ~ not least of all me!

Tell ye, man; This f**ker's taking me For Ever to sort out. I haven't even cut a slice on that King Span yet. And, when I hold back from a project? There's just about Always a reason for it.

Electric blanket fixed to the side?!? Hells teeth! That could save it getting saturated!

See? Let's discuss, and try to work out, a way of hot boxing this one, idiosyncratic brew. The details count

[Ditch]

Jesus f**king wept! Him and all the saints.

So, I'm sat here, last night, watching some Great episodes on Netflix. I realise I'm wanting just one more pint, to finish what I'm watching with. But, that there's not another pint in my keg.

No problem then. I'll just syphon one straight out of that new bucket full I've been waiting on.

I think it was moving the FV, to get it up on the window sill, that released the smell. I distinctly remember thinking, in an Annoying Orange voice; " You're Fruity!!! "

I did wonder there. But, I poured the pint anyway. Noticing too how the head didn't appear to have subsided and sunk, as I prefer to see it. No matter. I wanted a beer.

Oh My F**king God!!! How many times have I told some Newb who's saying; " Is my beer okay? It looks like ....." I always tell them: " Just taste it. If it doesn't make ye wish ye were never born ....? "

I wished I had never been born! One sip. I'm not even sure if I swallowed it. I just remember tossing that pint straight into the shower cubicle. Even the stuff slipping down the plug hole looked sinister and evil.

Next, I was at the sink. Swilling my mouth with water. This, Vile, taste wasn't shifting! In here and I've hurriedly poured myself a second ration of Jameson. It took Three sips to clean my mouth out!

What a f**king nightmare! So, today, I had to get a case of Karpackie airlifted in. Soon as I hit town? I'll have to grab another case or two. I put my last kit in, this afternoon. Now, I can but pray as I strip my bank account to the bone.

What caused it? I haven't a clue! And, that's what's so scary. I never did anything different. I mean; I've done this before, right? I Know how to make my beer!

It must have been ~ oh, please god! ~ the temperature. That new / old heater? I checked today. Thermometer went up to twenty five and a half. Please let it be that. If it's, say, my mixer? I'm f**ked. If this episode repeats itself? I'm totally f**ked.

By the time I replace any gear. Buy in more kits. Have them delivered. What ever? I'll be f**king bankrupted to Poland

[alexlark]

Just had my first pint of Ditches Stout, and in the words of WalesAles; Bloody Lovely Mun! I just got up to pour another pint and I felt giddy! Lol. This is seriously good, strong beer!! Cheers Ditch

[tazzymutt]

Just had my first pint of Ditches Stout, and in the words of WalesAles; Bloody Lovely Mun! I just got up to pour another pint and I felt giddy! Lol. This is seriously good, strong beer!! Cheers Ditch

Go on... Rub the salt in. Ditch has a brew fail and you're telling him how good yours is.

If you had any decency man, you'd be loading your car with good quaffable gear to deliver to darkest Ireland. And while you're at it, take a few spare kits and some dark spray malt with you...

Happy brewing,


Ian.

[WalesAles]

Just had my first pint of Ditches Stout, and in the words of WalesAles; Bloody Lovely Mun! I just got up to pour another pint and I felt giddy! Lol. This is seriously good, strong beer!! Cheers Ditch

Just got in from 12Hr Night Shift, so, have a pint or two of Cherry Stout!
This is Bloody Lovely Too!
Sorry I can`t help you Ditch, but it sounds like your heaters to me as being the problem.
WA

[alexlark]

Sorry I just couldn't resist

Just been checking I got some dark DME for another batch!

[Ditch]

Sorry I can`t help you Ditch, but it sounds like your heaters to me as being the problem.

Simple truth is, mate ..... I Don't Know!

Anyway, noted: at 25.5C? Ditch destroyed his own baby! I won't be f**king trying That again!

Happy news is that, this afters, I got amongst my latest bucket load: Chocolate coffee!!! F**king gorgeous! I'm So relieved, because it's cost me Two Cases of Karpackie, just edging round that blow out there.

Yesterday, I tried to order in my six kits? Shane only had ONE! Not his fault in the least, of course. He'd be expecting me to put in my order at the end of the month, as I always do.

So, I had to go for five Old Ale's. No matter. After over a week on f**king lager? I'm just So grateful to be back on my own stuff. A month of Coopers Old will be an all expenses paid holiday, compared to another case of f**king lager!

There we are then. Ditch raises a fine glass of " Ditch's Stout ". Thinks about getting another one ....! This is the Dogs bits, isn't it?

[Ppostie]

Hi ditch, I get married in 3 weeks is it possible to get a special reserve done for the wedding.....timbo thinks it is but I'm not too sure

[Ditch]

With a fish tank heater to knock it up to 22C ? Do It!

[Deebee]

With a fish tank heater to knock it up to 22C ? Do It!

You know... i am really gonna have to get one of these kits and do it.

[Ditch]

Well, I've just had one of those Eureka moments. Only, ye might imagine the condition I'm presently in, look. 03:00 +

Just gone in there for the last pint out of the FV. (Flies are down, just now. And this bucket's still showing life ~ probably better than I am this minute!) I figured I'd leave the heater in. Give it tonight to ferment any more. Barrel it when ever.

Anyway ..... The syphon tube, with its little tap on the end? Yeppers. I tend to catch the little lever / handle under the raised lip of the FV's lid. (Yes, you 'Ye Have To Use An Air Lock!!!' Bubbler babblers! Where is your god now?! )

Only f**ker is that, on the ~ thankfully! ~ Extremely rare occasion when that f**king tap slipped out, due to gravitational shit. And it ended up on the floor. Below the window sill mounted FV ....?

Four F**king Gallons of prime shit ended up on my floor!!!

Bloody thing just can't handle the pressure, see? Descending beer in the pipe causes sufficient pressure on the lowered - dropped tap so that the beer simply leaks out through / around it. I loose the f**king lot!

So, where were we ....? Oh, yeah! The Fly Paper!

I hang a fly paper over my active FV, this time of year. That inspired me!

Later today, I shall hang a piece of Fence Wire. From the same point, above the window sill, I hang the fly paper. Only, this'll just be a length of wire. V shaped hook bent into the lower end.

I'll simply slip the right angled tap handle into That. Above the lid level of the FV. All will be good in the world , once again! No more vile little accidents!

Is that all clear? I can take explanatory photographs, later?

Right now? I'm off to snuggle up with the Pesticle

[ciderhead]

And dat is de raisen I'm not allowed use the deep fat fryer after a feed of beers as it always ends in tears.
I'm sorry for your trouble! but at the same time pissing myself as I see every fruit fly in the country passing my window heading to Leitrim.

[Ditch]

..... pissing myself as I see every fruit fly in the country passing my window heading to Leitrim.

Ye didn't read this thread, before posting that, did ye?

[Deebee]

Ok so its not a Ditches stout but i thought the master might like to know that i have managed to have a semi exploding FV that has sprayed shite all over the bathroom....



An RIS i made. Went nuts and took the fecking lid off the Fv within about 8 hours of pitching the yeast.

brains time.