" Ditch's Stout " Master Class .....

[Ditch]

Timbo; The picture isn't showing. But, it doesn't need to be. It'd only be a shot of perfectly normal beer Leave it alone and that stuff'll sink.

[timbo41]

Yeah struggling with postimage. Will try to edit,but sure the master is right again

[Ditch]

Lotso; Just got home, as ye can see. Now; Pear Drops? Yeppers. Very distinctive, isn't it? Hard to mistake that one for anything else.

Obviously then, I must have had it. That's how I recognise the smell and taste. Trouble is though, it must have been years ago! Thus I'm now buggered if I know what caused it

Does it recede? Dunno. I'd have drunk it, regardless. Simply because I'd likely have had no choice. That or nothing. However, with the vague recollection that this is something to do with the wrong sort of alcohol, I'm wondering it this is the stuff that'll give ye the grand daddy of all f**king hangovers

Best advice I can offer ye then is to repost on this, Kits, board. Title it " Pear Drops " and expect a fair few people to come up with opinions. Like I say; It is a very well recognised thing. I simply can't personally remember the details.

[lotsobear]

Thanks Ditch. I've done as you suggest.

[Ditch]

I was also asked, elsewhere .....

When the foam spews out of the bucket, do you clean it away or just leave it? I wondered if this was maybe a conduit for infection if it was left as is.

I tend to pretty much leave it, now. Might wipe it off the lip of the FV with my finger. But, I can't be in there, nurse maiding it with a sanitised J cloth all day and night. F**k it. Let it get on with it.

Conduit for infection? From the floor, even? I used to think exactly the same thing, mate. If electricity could run up that spew; Why shouldn't bacteria? Logic says it could.

Considerable experience though? I've simply never had it happen I was thinking / looking, only last night, at how the impending and emergent spew can push the lid right off the FV. Snap it down shut all ye like. That spew'll just pop it off.

I wonder if it's something to do with the gas blanket? Even gas contained in the spew? All those bubbles must be made of something!

Dunno. All I can say is; I've never had one turn bad.

[timbo41]

This was what I was trying to show you sensei.

Going to keg it anyway!!!

[Ditch]

Nothing wrong with that, mate. Perfectly acceptable.

Christ, maybe I should snap and slap up a complete photo record of how it goes? But, then; I can't help but feel that would just lead people to for ever lifting the lids and staring in at their stuff? What's the point in that? Gear'll do its thing and be perfectly fine. Doesn't need to be constantly looked in at.

Hey! How about I start a religion? People can ..... well, do what ever it is people do to become 'members' of a religion. And, like religions do ~ I s'pose ~ mine can have rules of faith. My religions first and main rule of faith could be that; Ye do like I do. Then ye leave the f**k alone.

This is where the 'miracle' bit takes place. Ye don't need to understand it. Or even have anything to do with it. That's down to me. Because I'm like a " God ", see? And I ('God') hand it down that, if ye do as I say, ye gear will turn out f**king superb.

There! Right there, I take ye pain away. Just join up. Swear I'm 'God' and do as I say. Ye beer Will come out fine. No need to look at it and worry. And, if it f**ks up? Oh well. Just nod and sagely intone that " Ditch works in mysterious ways. "




Yes. I have had my Jameson ration Nothing wrong with the appearance of that stuff though

[timbo41]

Love it..erudite as always....you know of course that **SOMEONE* will kop the arse with the g.o.d reference!!


Me?

Pmsl
Still want to publish "The Little Red Book of The Leitrim Ditchshitter"
Pulitzer prize material mate!!

[avtovaz]

Your God Ditch!!!


My stout is not far off, cant wait!


drinking guinness original atm,

[Ditch]

you know of course that **SOMEONE* will kop the arse with the g.o.d reference!!

Can't ye hear the gnashing of teeth and rending of hair already?

[WalesAles]

you know of course that **SOMEONE* will kop the arse with the g.o.d reference!!

Can't ye hear the gnashing of teeth and rending of hair already?

It`s easier to say DGO, Just tell them you`ve got OCD. Sorry, I mean CDO, all letters in the correct order!
WA

[Ditch]

Dog. That's what does it for me. They're what I worship anyway

" I Have Sex Daily. I mean; I Have Dyslexia! Fcuk! " One of the best siggies I've seen in a while


Meanwhile, back on course: I'm trying out this FV in a trug of water idea. So F**king Trying!!!

Honestly, people; It's probably cost me as much in trugs, and wasted electricity, as the odd heater would have done!

I'm looking at all sorts of f**king expenses and outlays here. Just to make a fish tank heater get my shit to 22 C and relax.

No. Sorry. Enough's enough. I've listened to the Trugledites. I've paid out for trugs. I've tried 'Their Way'. And found myself drinking what tastes like " Ditch's Stout. But, which might as well be flavoursome water!

Because, when all's said and done? A 50 Watt fish tank heater/stat simply cannot raise 20 Litres of liquid to 22C, in a cold room. Not if it's sat in a wide (top) open f**king trug. Bloody stuff just can't ferment out.

B0llocks to that then. My next kit? Heater goes in the FV and the lid goes on top. It's worked for me, for years. Maybe the FV in a trug of water idea works alright if ye live in a central heated cocoon? Not here

[tazzymutt]

I transferred my "Ditchesque" stout to a pressure barrel last Friday. I'm calling it Ditchesque as I used 60g of sugar in the keg to ensure I have a protective CO2 blanket over the beer and feel sure that some of the other things I've done will be enough to prevent it being an accurate clone of The Stoutmeister's own brew.

I was a little surprised this morning to note that the cheapo pressure barrel has inflated sufficiently to lift all four of the dimple feet off the surface it is standing on. A quick wander back through posts here revealed that others have noted this phenomenon before, so I'm not worried; but I was surprised that as little as 60g of sugar could produce this effect. Following Coopers instructions would have seen around 170g of priming sugar going in; I reckon the overpressure relief would have sounded like a steam whistle...

Come Friday, I will move the keg from the warm bathroom to the beer store in the garage and leave it to settle back to the local ambient temperature (about 12C this morning) ready for a taste test on Saturday. I can't remember a brew that I have been looking forward to trying as much as this one.

Happy brewing,


Ian.

PS: Main reason for posting - I thought it was about time that Ditch's thread was back at the top of the forum...

[tazzymutt]

The first pint out of the barrel (If I'm good, the last one tonight, but I'm looking forward to making the acquaintance of several of these in a few weeks time...)



Not much more to say now, except that I think I may be falling in love with a whole new type of beer.

Happy brewing,


Ian.

[Ditch]

Would ye believe I'm actually sat here envying people like you, Ian? Because ye seem to be sat back, doing as I told ye and producing the right gear.

Me? Took a couple of wrong turnings, somewhere back there. Now, my normally conveyor belt production has broken down. My, normally deliciously malty room smells like a f**king Sarsons factory!

My bank balance is looking at spiralling down into the red as I struggle to regain control of this free fall and make my own stuff again! Until then? I'll be spending my entire pension on cans of Polish lager!

I wailed to my mate, Dean O', tonight ~ as he recoiled from sniffing my FV's; " I am f**king 'Ditch Shitter'. Who do I turn to when it all goes to rat shit?! "

Only myself, obviously So, I have. And I've asked myself where the f**k it all broke down? That was easy: The stupid Trug idea. Bought me three trugs. Ballsed me half a dozen f**king kits! I've been drinking perfectly " Ditch's " tasting gear. With the alcohol content of tap water!

Simple, proven FACT: Chuck a 50 watt heater in a lidded bucket of gear? Produce my stuff inside a week. Enjoy!

Put the same FV into a trug of water? Leave it as long as ye like. Then, ye might as well drink the water from the trug! In a brassic cold room, like mine? No amount of heating ~ even with Two 50 Watt heaters, set to full on, can warm that f**king trug enough to warm that FV to the requisite 23 C.

I am absolutely f**king gutted! Me, of all people. How many times, and for how long now, have I hammered and hammered and Hammered away at: " Do It Like I F**king Tell Ye!!! "? Think I do that for fun?!

Now, what do I do, look? I arbitrarily decide to go off at some f**king tangent ~ because everyone else is saying how cool it it. It's f**king nearly brought me to my knees over night!

So, yes; You, the faithful? Enjoy your " Ditch's Stout ". Ye've earned it by sticking to The Word. I allowed Myself to be distracted by the words of the false prophets. And where's it got me? So far up shit f**king creek I can't see the horizon any more. And not a f**king teaspoon for a paddle!