" Ditch's Stout " Master Class .....

[Ditch]

The Situation

[WalesAles]

Now; Before this turns into a thread more befitting the Tap Room ..... The Topic, Please, Gentlemen .....

The Situation

Nearly back on Topic Ditch!
At least there is some Stout to be seen!

WA

[Ditch]

Two of those kits went in the buckets, yesterday afternoon, mate. Painting bird cages all day. Haven't even looked at them. But, they'll be ready, time I've sunk all this Karpackie.

Only trouble is; The f**king Karpackie has sunk €118.00. That's enough to keep me swimming in stout for a Month! Cans will barely last a WEEK!


Anyway; You got ye little mole grips yet? It's second nature to me now; Bend the lid well back. Snap the grips onto the deep, bottom rim. And get on with something else.

Brilliant!

[Exiled Bradfordian]

Ditch, I am intrigued. Your drink when home brewed is stout, but when buying commercial you drink a Polish lager. I was wondering why you don't drink stout when buying commercially, and/or brew lager. Purely out of idle curiosity and nosiness, you understand.

[Deebee]

Commercial lagers and readilly available stout in the same pricerange likely taste the same....

[Ditch]

EB; If I Have To drink stout out of a can? My preference is for ~ I believe I remember rightly? Beamish, with the widget. I think I found that preferable to Murphy's?

Whatever. Immaterial, really. Because, to get either of those ~ by the case load ~ I had to get a taxi and shoot off to the big town. Look in the supermarkets there. €30.00 right there, look!

On top of that outrage, I doubt I could get Beamish for €1.50 a pint can either. If it's say, €2.00 a can? Then that's €78.00 all told, for a case, isn't it? Get To F**k!!! €78.00 for a maximum three days beer?!

Karpackie costs me €36.00 a case. Tenner for the taxi to fetch it here. Simple economics, see? I can't afford to drink stout out of a tin

But, yeah, to bring the f**king topic into this thread? The leading Ditch's Stout drinker far prefers widgeted Murphy's or Beamish to Guinness, under any circumstances.

[Exiled Bradfordian]

Blimey. Didn't realise canned beer was so much dearer in Ireland than here. Probably because the supermarkets here artificially depress the price as a means to getting you in the store and doing the rest of your shopping there, and putting the pubs out of business at the same time.

At least you're back brewing now. I wouldn't like to be Shane when he finds out his star customer ain't happy!

I've had a go at getting as close to a Ditch's as I can, but without soft water or fish tank heaters, and having to bottle it (I don't have a keg) I would not dream of suggesting it's the real thing. So to allow you to get back on topic I shall excuse myself now. Adiós!

[Ditch]

Right, lads; Arses to edges of seats. Knuckles to mouths. Undivided attentions on this thread.

Ditch has discovered a ..... Well, let's not ~ even in 'jest' ~ make light of certain themes. But, Ditch has had a scare. With his beer making.

Of the last two I made? One was great. The other? Two sips (Yes; It was late. I was pissed and F**king Desperate for another drink!) ..... No Way! That one went down the f**king drain!

Considering my methodology is, by now, about as regular and practised as a ticking clock? I straight away put my finger on the most likely culprit.

Well, alright; Me being me? I'd long since been deliberately pushing the boundaries. I'd heard of a weak spot and wanted to test it. (Ye know how I like to come to ye with Ditch Tested Facts ~ not just repeat some bloody thing I read on a forum)

Okay then. I Hope I've proven something I read, on here, to be true. Hope so! Because, with this new two, I've taken action to circumvent the problem completely.

So, if either of these goes wrong? Deep Shit!!!

I'll be trying one (or both! Just to reassure myself!) in a day or three.

Keep me in ye thoughts, lads.

Yes: Even Ditch can be scared!

[WalesAles]

Ditch Brewmaster, Scared, Afraid? No Way!
If your new thing doesn`t work, you better get that Taxi on speed dial for some Polish Tramp Juice!

WA

[Exiled Bradfordian]

I'd be interested to know what went wrong...

[Ditch]

Wales; I Am F**king Well Bricking It!!!

They've both gone through the visible (co)motions. Tonight, I'm on juice. I have juice for tomorrow too. Question is; Can I summon the balls to taste both those buckets, tomorrow? (Maybe I'll let fate decide? If my blocks turn up, I doubt I'll have time or energy)

But, yeah. If I Do taste them, and they're fine? I'd like to get them kegged. I've pushed it to the limit. Tempted fate. Now I've been burned.

I'm not going to take the f**king piss next! I just want to withdraw to my comfort zone and lick my wounds

[Ditch]

I'd be interested to know what went wrong...

Brad; My money's (quite literally too ~ and a f**ing Lot of it! ) on 'dirty' buckets.

These two FV's were extremely used. So much so that no amount of even neat bleach seemed capable of shifting the brown stain within them.

I've read someone, on here, stating that they chuck their stained buckets out. " FV's are cheap to replace. ", they said. Mmm. I thought I'd put this to the test. Ditch doesn't regurgitate what he reads someone else saying. Not here.

Here, Ditch tells ye only His Truth. If I say it? I've Done it.

Now ~ I hope ~ I've tested the theory that a stained up FV can pogger a brew. I've found that theory looking seriously sound!

These two have been done in much fresher, cleaner, whiter FV's.

The acid test will now fall to the heaters. My Fluval heater is going well. It's the other one. Bit of a bugger to be sure it's thoroughly cleaned, without disturbing the temperature setting.

Could a dirty heater have done it?

Dunno. That shit tasted 'Metalic' ish. It wasn't vinegar. Didn't smell bad. I didn't even spit it out.

It was just totally undrinkable ~ and I was Desperate for a drink! I just felt that shit would have rotted my guts

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

[CJR]

If there was a metallic taste then you need to examine anything metal that went into your brew. Reason I'm saying this is due to the brewery tested fact that sterile metal will still bugger up your brew. We used some aluminium casks at the brewery, cleaned and steamed, yet beer was tasting metallic in a few of them. The ones which had metallic beer taste were ones where staining had been removed with new cleaner stuff revealing cracks in the lining and bare aluminium underneath. Just because it is sterile doesn't mean it won't bugger up the beer.

[Ditch]

Ceejer; I reckon I've cracked it already, mate I went in there, earlier. And, just to try and settle the nagging, I had a look at both. And a quick sniff.

Fluval heater one actually Looked surprisingly lively. Lots of brain matter hanging on the surface. Smelt like beer.

Other one ~ one that had kicked off first? Looked less frothy. Smelt odd. It'll be f**ked

That's the heater I used last time. It's as I suspected ~ I now suspect (What?! ) I've invented a new, hitherto undiscussed way of ruining a f**king kit. I've 'Boiled' the f**ker

It's that heater, mate.

See; I won't submerge the numbers face / dial in bleach. That eats the numbers off in no time and then ye simply don't know what temperature the dial's setting to, look.

But, that means ye then have to get down, between the dial and the flex, to scrub shit off the face. Yeah?

That is where the bristles have nudged the dial. It's tipped that envelope pushing 21C up a notch or two. I ~ with my f**ked eyes ~ haven't noticed it. Being so distracted, with my bird room and such ~ not to mention my free falling credit balance, due to bolstering the Polish economy single handed? I hadn't spotted the more likely cause

F**k it. Couple more cans left. Then I'll be after one of my own. I'll probably just suck one from the Fluval FV. Leave confirming the worst till tomorrow. During that fleeting window of relative sobriety.

[Ditch]

FFS!!!

Okay. I'm sat here drinking this filth that ~ had I any other possible option ~ I'd have slung down the f**king drain in disgust!

And this is the 'Good' bucket!!!

" TCP ". Remind me; Which, of a million sins, is said to get the TCP flavour? Because this shit's got it! That's what it is. I haven't smelt, or tasted, TCP in decades. Couldn't even remember it.

But This filth? That's it entirely! Taste and Smell!

So, to summarise? Over night, my entire f**king system has crashed! W T F ?!?!

I've been following my normal method. Developed and tested, over Years. Nothing new or different. No new piece of equipment sneaked in. Nothing.

I did change up to fresher, cleaner FV's, look. Thinking that might have been it. These newer FV's never gave me trouble before.

WTF Is It?!?!?

Why was one FV great, last time. One Drain Cleaner?

Why is one, this time, a shade less disgusting than the other???