" Ditch's Stout " Master Class .....

[Ditch]

Yep. Dave is indeed our other Dave in Norway. And he's got a mate called Dave? FFS. This is starting to sound like Monty Python's " Bruce " sketch!

Anyway, where was I? Yeah. I'd suspect the uneven temp's have put paid to a good spew. What's this " Brewers version of the FTH " ye using there, mate? I'm all ears.

[Ditch]

You ever tried a wine fermenter with airlock Ditch?

No, mate. But, I promise ye; If I ever make wine, I'll consider that.

[Drzava]

Ditch,

I'm doing my first ever homebrew kit soon - and it'll be Ditch's Stout (although it'll be going into bottles, so I guess it's not actually Ditch's Stout! ). Anyway, I'm in Ireland too and got all my kit recently - 3 fermenters in total, 2 from the Homebrew Company (i.e. Shane) and one from Homebrew West. The three are identical - all seem similar externally to yours, i.e. they're squat. However, my lids don't have all those indentations that yours have - internally, it's just one groove where it snaps on to the base. Might be worth a shout to Shance to see if you can swap for an 'easier' one!

[Ditch]

Drzava; I'm afraid my new FV is sitting there, full of stout, as I write. Happily, it tastes great!

Today could be fun though. I'm to keg that, wash the FV and put another one in. It'll be great, trying to ensure each of those f**king holes gets full of bleach, somehow ....!

[Ditch]

Well; I thought to put this under the " I Wish I Hadn't Bothered " board. But, as I've started it here, I'll finish it here too. Save people jumping around to find it all.

Having done a complete brew in this 'New Irish FV' it'll now suffice to just point out the little 'hidden extras' that this useless f**king thing brought to the table, as I tried to use it .....

To start with, I almost shit myself moving it. All that malt in there. And a few gallons of water. I've had to stick a Youngs handle on it and then pray like hell as I humped it into my brew room and lifted it onto the window sill. If that improvised handle had given out ....!

Next treat in store was to discover that, with that handle on, I could lift the vile bucket. But, not the f**king lid! Loop of the handle isn't 'high' enough. Effectively, it won't swing down the other side of the bucket. Instead it lays on the lid. Thus it holds the lid down.

Then, I tried to attach my customary red clip. Thing that holds my syphon tube and stick in place. Well, ye can forget That right away! F**king great rim. No Way is that clip fitting on there! No. You just stand there, like a c***. Holding the f**king tube like the 'good old days'!

Got ye beer out of it? Good. So now we put it in the shower and have at it with the hose. Lid too. Turning it. Peering at it. Scrubbing at it.

Then, we pick up the thoroughly washed lid. Look at the brown shit stuck every where. Chuck the whole f**king thing out the door and come and write this post!

Utterly f**king useless and I shall now be seeking alternative sources of good old plain, five gallon buckets with a lid on.

[Drzava]

Alpack do buckets (and other packaging etc) very cheap: http://www.alpack.ie/VC105__30_Litre_Bu ... t.710.html (I'm not sure how the inside of the lid looks though!). The kicker is it's €20 + VAT for shipping unless you make a trip to Dublin. They also do bottles and stuff as well.

[Ditch]

Look at the rim on that thing, mate ..... Looks, to me, suspiciously like the one I just slung out!

[Deebee]

http://themaltmiller.co.uk/index.php?_a ... ductId=363

Dunno what postage is but...

[GAZ9053]

what about these Ditch?

http://www.homebrewwest.ie/25-litre-fer ... -294-p.asp

[Ditch]

Dave and Gaz ..... Trying desperately to hold shit in mind here, to save making multiple posts. But, Dave: Look at the rim on that thing. Yes, granted, it has the handle, and so forth. But, it's still a bull necked freak

Gaz; That's exactly what I'm after, That Is the classic 'Youngs' FV type. Only trouble is ~ see Drzava's earlier post, above ~ Click to buy one, on either of the Eire sites showing photo's of them? What ye actually get is some f**king useless piece of shit bearing absolutely no resemblance to that photo!

And, for the record? Pat brought my hay down, this afters. I'd just finished putting a brew into a Very thoroughly bleached out Youngs FV and explained this shit to him. Pointing out the shit worthlessness of the useless bucket I'd just been sent - and was sending to hell!

Up shot is that it's now on Pat's farm and will be used to store his cattle nuts, or some such f**king thing.

Gentlemen; I foresee Interesting Times.

[DaveOfNorway]

[quote="Ditch"]Dave: Hullo, mate. Un f**king believable! Ye called Dave and ye (presumably? An ex pat brit) living in Norway? Be damned!

Do ye know we have an ex pat on here, living in Norway ..... Name's Dave!!! Couldn't make that up, could ye?!

Anyway, yeah; Glad ye enjoyed reading the thread. Be a bitch if ye'd just found it increasingly tedious, and stuck with it to the bitter end, just to end up embittered.

When ye mentioned making a stirrer out of a plastic coat hanger, I wondered WTF ye were on about. I was probably slaughtered though. Hence I never attempted to reply.

I'm fine now though. And, reading ye post again? " Plastic coat hanger? [i]Pfffftt![/i] Bloody easy! Obvious how ye'd do that. " See now why pissed people shouldn't drive?

What I [i]can't[/i] work out ~ nor get to the video of, because I'm downloading a film ~ is this " DeGassing Wine " stuff. Never heard of that before. I'll check out ye film, later. Don't want to turn this into a wine thread though. People have enough to contend with here.

[center]" It took over 5 hours for the bubbles to die down enough for me to throw in the yeast! "[/center]

What's that all about? I sling my yeast in as soon as I've humped the FV in there and got the heater in. Doesn't bother me, or the yeast, that it gets chucked at an eight inch deep head of foamy bubbles.

I shouldn't worry shit about the extra litre either. I gauge my own water by eye. Somewhere between two arbitrary labels on my JC.

20/22, in wildly up and down temp's? I'd suggest this is why it never spewed. A good spew does require optimum conditions. Well oxygenated FV and a good, steady, 'high' temp.

..... Forgive me. I've just woken up! Exhausting few days. I'll return to this presently.

Beddy byes for Ditch, right now. Completely f**ked.[/quote]

Haha yeah Im a Brit living in Bergen, Norway....loverly place but shit beer!

As for the waiting for the bubbles to calm down before throwing in the yeast, Im pretty sure you said that in your instructions lol
At least I know now not to worry about it.
The coat hander to degas wine is a nice trick. You don't want air in your wine when you bottle it so must people sit there with a long spoon and stir for hours..[censored] that, get a wine whip...but they cost quite abit, So I made one. Its also great for stirring your beer mix.
So there you have it a home made device that saved me money twice!
I gave the beer a taste only yesterday and despite being a young stout it tasted pretty good...even though it was flat. I prefer little fizz but not loads.
I will give you a report once its done

Thanks again mate!

[DaveOfNorway]

[quote="Deebee"][quote="Ditch"]Dave: Hullo, mate. Un f**king believable! Ye called Dave and ye (presumably? An ex pat brit) living in Norway? Be damned!

Do ye know we have an ex pat on here, living in Norway ..... Name's Dave!!! Couldn't make that up, could ye?!
.[/quote]

And that would be me!

I live in Kristiansund though Dave. A bit further North than you.
Strangely enough my brew partner is an ex pat from just outside Belfast. Met his Norwegian missus in the next vLley to where i met mine... and his name is..... Dave.

Norwegian women must have a Dave fetish☺[/quote]

Haha nice...and there I was thinking my tag being DaveOfNorway would be very unique!
Im living in Bergen...cant say I've met any other Daves though...yet!

[DaveOfNorway]

Hmm why are the qoutes displayed in such a way...very weird! I cant find any way to subscribe to this thread either, the instructions mention that it can be done when you reply or by clicking in the thread itself...I see nothing!?

[Ditch]

Dave; Scroll down when ye've typed a post. Lower left side. Below the post box. OPTIONS. Tick the lowest box. " Notify me when a reply is posted "

I'll have a look at the mess ye made with the posts ~ I'm sober and alert just now Easiest thing might be to just go back in there and edit the quotes away completely. Anyone reading would have just read the stuff before and would remember what ye were answering to.

[Ditch]

Dave; Second post, ye need to knock out the double quote bit. At the beginning there, it says " Quote Deebee ~ Quote Ditch ". Go back in there on edit and cut out the " [quote="Deebee"] ". It'll be fine then.

Other one? No idea. Works for me. Too long though. Just as well go in and cut the entirety of my repeated post.