" Ditch's Stout " Master Class .....

[Fastline]

Got my second ever kit going yesterday, a coopers stout, followed pretty close to page one instructions

Got a kilo of Dark malt from the malt miller and some expensive asda organic sugar

Spewing nicely today cant wait

Chucked me fishtank heater in builders bucket with some water, just it looked a bit too fishy and green to chuck in the FV

Can't believe how active this is

Used my mixing paddle in a dewalt battery dill, hope it still turns out ok

Do you think its the oxygen in the mix that gets it going so violently or is that just how stout goes

[Ditch]

Fast; Are ye seriously saying ye've pulled a FTH out of a f**king fish tank???

Seriously; The FTH is the most vital / vulnerable part here. In all honesty? It's so f**king vulnerable, I'm bending my tits to replace it completely. Years of experience ~ Getting me through god knows how many FTH's ~ has finally convinced me: They're arse!

Dewalt battery? I'm a Hitachi man, myself A battery job is probably to be favoured though, over the one speed maniac of a mains Skil I use. My bugger's just a bit too fast and I'd like to be able to slow it down a tad.

Too fast and it creams the 'water' up into a rising head of mad foam. We don't need it swirling over the rim and onto the floor. Just no point in that. I maybe thrashed the one I made, on Thursday, a little enthusiastically. Result? Topping up to four gallons damn near over filled the FV!

Do I reckon it's the oxygen? No. Frankly. I think it's just a brilliant yeast, doing what yeast should do, in a suitable environment.

I used to make my shit with a bloody stupid long handled " Brewers Paddle ". Bloody thing!

Thrashing away at four gallons. Skinny arm going like a whirlwind. Before I'd collapse over the FV. Gasping like a half drowned Steve Buscemi.

Obviously, I never managed anything like what my little friends can do. But; Those hand cranked babies still Brained like Einstein and Spewed like Niagara! Possibly even more so ....?

In fact. the comparatively mild Spews I see today? Power Paddling or Forced Fermentation ....?

The answer could be important

[Drzava]

[quote="Drzava"]Ditch,

I'm doing my first ever homebrew kit soon - and it'll be Ditch's Stout (although it'll be going into bottles, so I guess it's not actually Ditch's Stout! ). [/quote]

So this was my first ever homebrew..........and I made a complete balls of it!

Made it up pretty much as per OP, except using a cup of dermera sugar. Started adding water then to get up to volume / temp. Brand new FV, brand new stick on thermometer -which only goes from 18C to 30 or so. Anyway, no reading on the thermometer so I assume the wort is below 18C so I kept adding hot water......still no thermometer reading.......so whip out my infrared thermometer - bloody wort is 40+C! The [censored] stick on thermometer doesn't [censored] work! So there I am, with wort at 40C, and only 2 litres left to add.....add 2 litres cold water (actually, should have thought of ice!) and end up with wort at 32C. Decide to let it cool down before pitching. While waiting, I break out the kit instructions, which I hadn't consulted (I know the first rule of kit brewing!).......dire warnings of possible infection if you let warm wort sit without yeast pitched (in fairness, this does make sense); advises to pitch anyway if temp 32C or less. Pitched at 31C. Plenty of bubbling next day, slowing substantially the day after (no temp control - dropped to about 20C over the 2 days). Anyway, to cut the story short, the [censored] is 'stuck' at 1.020 - warming to 24C and vigorous shaking hasn't helped, and it seems that opening it up and stirring last night hasn't done any good either - will check gravity tomorrow to confirm. I guess pitching so warm, and cooling afterwards shocked the yeast to inaction.

So, a botch job on my very first full sized homebrew batch! Not entirely my fault though - I'm looking at you dodgy thermometer! It's out of the FV at the weekend either way - whether that be into bottles, or down the drain!

[Ditch]

Made it up pretty much as per OP ..... Started adding water then to get up to volume / temp.

Right there. Ye f**ked.


How many times do I have to say this? Read What I've F**king Written! Do As I Say And Get What I Drink.

Ye just about wandered off into the wilderness the moment after ye opened the f**king kit. Were you on f**king drugs???

Jesus f**king wept!

[Drzava]

[quote="Ditch"][quote="Drzava"]Made it up pretty much as per OP ..... Started adding water then to get up to volume / temp.[/quote]

Right there. Ye f**ked.


How many times do I have to say this? [i]Read What I've F**king Written! Do As I Say And Get What I Drink.[/i]

Ye just about wandered off into the wilderness the moment after ye opened the f**king kit. Were you on f**king drugs???

Jesus f**king wept![/quote]

I wrote that badly! I meant that I added hot / cold water to get to your recommended levels - ie I ended up with 20L of wort at the end, but thanks to that stick on piece of crap thermometer, it was at 31C, rather than 23C.

[aamcle]

Ditch.

In Merseyside it would cost me something over £0.5 (€0.7) a pint if I can't get stuff on special offer.
You can get well under that brewing all grain, you probably have most of the equipment you need and could easily build the rest, just something to think about

Atb. Aamcle

[Ditch]

I meant that I added hot / cold water to get to your recommended levels .....

No.

Look, I'll make this dead simple: Quote, from this thread, where I say to add Hot water to that FV. Other than the single kettle full used to rinse the tin out. Just before I pour in the best part of four gallons of tap water.

[Ditch]

Hmm. Note to self ~ and anyone else paying attention:

Nail Brushes are dead cheap. In fact, a f**king site cheaper than beer kits or buckets.

I was in town the other day. Just went to the check out when I spotted the range of brushes across the room. Dumped my basket and went over and grabbed a brand new nail brush. No idea what it cost me. Few quid max'?

Just used it on a couple of FV's. My god! What a difference to struggling with the worn out, twisted, short bristled wreck I've been using! I have two FV's out there now, never been so f**king clean since I bought them.

Gentlemen; I have a hunch I'm well on my way yo leaving the bad beers behind

I'm so pleased with the gleaming cleanliness of these FV's ~ which I'd mentally consigned to Pat's farm yard ~ that I now plan to set a time aside purely for meticulously scrubbing out my other FV's. F**k it: If I wear out this brush in the process? So what?

Its long, sweeping bristles also made short and glorious work of my Fluval FTH. Not a speck left behind in even the most inaccessible places.

So, yeah; Ditch's Top Tip Today? Keep an eye on ye nail brush. Don't fall into the bad habit of struggling with a worn out one. Better the bin than the drain

[Ditch]

Interesting little experiment!

This afters I put a kit on. I also started drinking the last one I made.

The Game Is On!

Will todays kit be ready, by the time I guzzle the FV?

[Ditch]

Will todays kit be ready, by the time I guzzle the FV?

Last night, having emptied the first FV, I had a pint or two out of the 'experimental' batch mentioned in the post above. Great!

Today, I slammed in another FV full and am enjoying the 'experimental FV' just fine.

My next trick will be to sort that ~ seemingly ~ errant FTH out. I really need to have Two FV's available. For my comfort zone.


And now, to address a couple of other issues


This .....

..... is what it looks like after I've added about two gallons of water to my kit, in the FV. Then gone at it with the drill. Then poured in the other half of the JC. It froths up to that, in a five gallon FV.


Side view .....

There's another little trick that I've, lately, been putting to the test too. I'll be mentioning that here. Once I've become sick and tired of seeing it work out just fine. Time and again.

Remember: I report here Only what I've personally experienced and tested again and again.



Here's that last FV, as I syphoned it directly into my glass. Without a care in the world. Tasting great. From the first till last drop]:

Where is your god ....?

[WalesAles]

Where is your god ....?

Ditch,
I just Love Your Sterile Conditions! Fruit Flies will be around soon to cause you pain!

WA

[Ditch]

Interesting point, Wales. Obviously, I do indeed get fruit flies in there. Have done for several years now. Years of honing my sanitary conditions to this fine apex we have today.

And, guess what ....?

Now, it makes me wonder: Do they actually attack beer, as they do wine? I mean, has anybody actually come up with incontrovertible evidence that this happens?

If it does? Why doesn't it happen to me? Am I some sort of Chuck Norris of beer making? 'Fruit flies wouldn't dare turn Ditch's stuff into vinegar'. Hardly scientific, is it?

[themadhippy]

Am I some sort of Chuck Norris of beer making? 'Fruit flies wouldn't dare turn Ditch's stuff into vinegar'

or maybe the fruit flies just aint fast enough,by the time 1's discovered a batch of stout and called his mates its gone

[Ditch]

Okay. That was bloody amusing, Hip. But, it still begs the question.

Buggered if I know .....

[Ditch]

Just cleaned that one out, as it happens. Christ; It didn't half take some scrubbing!

All's good though. Because I found me a really sneaky little harbourage in the lid! I was hammering this couple of shadows, with both scrubbing brushes, for ages! Nothing would shift them.

Eventually, as my arms were getting tired by now, I took the thing outside and peered, hard, in the natural daylight. Pulled the lip back and got my finger nail in there.

I'll be f**ked! There's like a microscopic shelf in there! It's a minuscule edge of plastic that stands out from the inner face of the lids rim. Only a mil' or two. But, it's there, none the less. Like a ' / ', leaning in from the rim. And this shit was hunkered down behind it. It was effectively shielding the tiny line of shit from the bristles of my scrubbing brushes. F**ker!

Now, I'm not suggesting this had anything to do with my recent run of vile luck ~ and even viler drain cleaner. But, it's worth knowing about, isn't it?

Took me f**king years to find that, look. Or, if it's these new, softer lids? Still took me months.

Learning all the time.